First off, let me admit that I am a person who harbors resentments all too readily. The Oxford English Dictionary definition speaks for me: Resentment: 1. "An indignant sense of injury or insult received or perceived..." 2. "A negative attitude towards society or authority arising, often unconsciously, from an aggressive envy and hostility, frustrated by a feeling of inferiority or impotence."
The word itself is derived from the French for re + sentiment, or, to re-feel, to feel again. I can testify to my own tendency to re-feel slights, real or imagined. What I don't understand (yet) is why anyone would want to keep on feeling something that is uncomfortable (and has proven ill consequences for one's health). The only thing I can come up with is that it's like picking at a scab - you know you're not supposed to, and in a way you don't even want to, because it's painful and could cause bleeding or lead to infection. And yet there's a sort of perverse satisfaction at continuing to pick at that scab - to re-feel the sensation, even if it's one of pain.
Last Sunday when I arrived at church - late, as usual - I saw in the bulletin that the preacher was the youth minister and I was disappointed because, truth to tell, I didn't think she was all that good the first time I heard her. However, as God is wont to do in trying to get through to us, the minister's message was just what I needed to hear. She observed that Lent begins this week and that, traditionally, people decide to give up something in order to prepare for Holy Week and Easter coming 40 days from now. Typical things one might give up include rich foods (chocolate!), alcohol, tobacco, and even one's money in the form of donations to help those less fortunate. But what if, the youth minister posited, we decided to give up some of our resentments during Lent? Brilliant! I decided then and there that I would do just that, and in fact I let go of a resentment I had recently cultivated toward a family member who had not yet acknowledged an act of kindness toward him on my part.
One spiritual practice I've learned to engage in when feeling resentful is to pray for that person and so that is what I have been doing. What a wonderful - and welcome - surprise awaited me the next time I turned on my computer and checked for messages, because right there in front of me was a thank you note from the family member in question. No more resentment on my part, and clearly not on his. So, what are you giving up for Lent?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Jewish Humor
Remember the Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, such as Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and many others? They had a great gift for humor... and not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are some examples of their work:
* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. T he paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor holds a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk is in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
* There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
* Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
* Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
* A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, "said the mother, "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
* A Jewish boy comes ho me from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
* Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
* Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.
* Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
* Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. T he paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor holds a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk is in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
* There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
* Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
* Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
* A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, "said the mother, "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
* A Jewish boy comes ho me from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
* Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
* Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.
* Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
* Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
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